Men's Private Night

Please forward to the men in your life...

What: Men's Private Night

When: Wednesday, September 7th from 5-8 pm

Where: Marshall Field's Somerset

While there, receive 15% off all purchases and support Affirmations - 5% of all proceeds will be donated back to Center.

Showcasing: Designers Paul Smith, D&G, Thomas Pink Shop, Alexander Saville, Armani, Hugo Boss, LaCoste and Polo.Skin care products from Shiseido, Calrins, Clinique and Aramis.

Stylist Jeanne Yard (has styled for George Clooney, Tom Hanks and Evan McGregor) on hand for short presentations at 6 & 7 PM.

Come anytime between 5-8pm and dress as you are - be comfortable. Marshall Fields will have food and beverages, music and flowers.

Affirmations is thrilled that Marshall Field's is giving us this opportunity and providing a fun evening. We thank Marshall Fields for this opportunity and also for their recent donation of $3,000 toward our programs and services.
See you on the 7th.

Affirmations Lesbian and Gay Community Center

Everyday People. Building Community.
195 West Nine Mile Rd

Ferndale, MI 48220

Phone: 248.398.7105 Fax: 248.541.1943

Email: info@GoAffirmations.org

Web: www.GoAffirmations.org

Contact: Kathleen LaTosch, Special Events / Marketing Director248-398-7105 ext. 15

This too shall pass

Letting go has never come easy for me. I do not entirely know why, save that I can clearly identify very early memories where I would not or could not never something. Be it a toy a memory or even a scar I had to return to it. Little much has changed over all these many years.

I love him. I truly do, and I know that I always will. I also know that it takes more than my own love to hold something together and despite all my wanting and wishing to the contrary we have parted our ways and I must accept that. Hopefully putting that into writing will help.

I do not know what the future holds and remain open to the chance of happiness someday.

Until then...

please fasten your seat belts

We just received notification that the next few weeks may be rather turbulent, for you safety we please ask that you sit back with your seat belts securely fastened about you. 

 

May be?!?  If the next few may be what the ^%$#@$! Have the last few been?  Anyway, just checking in to say that yes things are pretty rough right now and I don’t know if I’ll make the flight unscathed. 

 

More later

 

Tuscalusitania

Just as an update I will be spending the next week in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. While I look forward to the change of scenery and opportunity to make an impact with my job I dread the thought of spending a week in the epicenter of the anti-gay South. (As opposed to the pro-gay South?!?) but you know what I mean.

I should be back a week from tomorrow with any luck in one piece.

Wish me luck, eh!

We the Blue People

I love it!

Dear Red States,

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Wal-Mart and Enron.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Bob Jones University.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Mississippi.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the Red States pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single pregnant moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high-tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson, and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Ouch

So the depression continues. At a fervor pitch and pace that can only mean disaster if not acted upon soon. I've not written much, or moreover I've not published much. Some of the purpose is to hash out ideas and concepts on my own time uninterrupted and encumbered. I cannot censor myself and I dare not risk misunderstanding by my raw thoughts and words. I stand to loose so much and gain so little, save for the long term, that I fear what may lie ahead.

We are in uncharted territory here folks and yes it is scary but there is a reward out there somewhere I just hope that I find what I'm looking for.

Until then, as always...

Know that you are loved,

D

Good Question

HAMLET

Act II, Scene 3

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.-- Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

William Shakespeare

This I Believe... me too!

I agree. Thank you Andrew.

An American Creed

I believe in life. I believe in treasuring it as a mystery that will never be fully understood, as a sanctity that should never be destroyed, as an invitation to experience now what can only be remembered tomorrow. I believe in its indivisibility, in the intimate connection between the newest bud of spring and the flicker in the eye of a patient near death, between the athlete in his prime and the quadriplegic vet, between the fetus in the womb and the mother who bears another life in her own body.

I believe in liberty. I believe that within every soul lies the capacity to reach for its own good, that within every physical body there endures an unalienable right to be free from coercion. I believe in a system of government that places that liberty at the center of its concerns, that enforces the law solely to protect that freedom, that sides with the individual against the claims of family and tribe and church and nation, that sees innocence before guilt and dignity before stigma. I believe in the right to own property, to maintain it against the benign suffocation of a government that would tax more and more of it away. I believe in freedom of speech and of contract, the right to offend and blaspheme, as well as the right to convert and bear witness. I believe that these freedoms are connected -- the freedom of the fundamentalist and the atheist, the female and the male, the black and the Asian, the gay and the straight.

I believe in the pursuit of happiness. Not its attainment, nor its final definition, but its pursuit. I believe in the journey, not the arrival; in conversation, not monologues; in multiple questions rather than any single answer. I believe in the struggle to remake ourselves and challenge each other in the spirit of eternal forgiveness, in the awareness that none of us knows for sure what happiness truly is, but each of us knows the imperative to keep searching. I believe in the possibility of surprising joy, of serenity through pain, of homecoming through exile.

And I believe in a country that enshrines each of these three things, a country that promises nothing but the promise of being more fully human, and never guarantees its success. In that constant failure to arrive -- implied at the very beginning -- lies the possibility of a permanently fresh start, an old newness, a way of revitalizing ourselves and our civilization in ways few foresaw and one day many will forget. But the point is now. And the place is America.

July 4, 2005, NPR. copyright © 2000, 2005 Andrew Sullivan

http://www.andrewsullivan.com/main_article.php?artnum=20050704

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4723006

Cathartic enough for you

Wow reading the last few blogs speaks volumes. Enough of the gloomy Gus syndrome OK!?!

So obviously I need to work on relationship issues. I also need to focus on me. It can be conflicting because the relationship is beyond the person, at the same time however, I know that my relationship, for all its short comings, is important to me. Thus it is important to have a relationship. It is clearly not a healthy relationship but what ever is, and besides just because someone isn’t healthy doesn’t mean we kill them does it? Why then should it be different with a relationship?

I’ve been to the gym more times in the last few weeks than the previous six months. I’ve also felt better, and ironically worse, in the last few weeks. More over I have just felt. This is a good thing. Any way here’s to the journey!

...

Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. Rather it makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, how wonderful it will be when the right one comes along.

- Javan.

non sequitur

So it comes to this. I’m not surprised actually, perhaps a little disappointed but never the less I’m not surprised. The truth is I should have known long ago. Of course it has taken quite some time for sufficient information to fill in enough of the gaps to see what it was that I was looking at. Looking at not looking for, let’s be clear about that. Obviously the mind has a way of letting us see what we want to even when nothing closely resembling that is actually before our eyes. The mind and the heart.

Fortunately, or not perhaps, time has a way of wearing all things down, and without proper maintenance, proper TLC if you will, even the most elaborate façade will begin to erode, exposing any flaws or inherent weaknesses in the structure. That of course doesn’t mean without a veneer there is less value or less desire, save only that what flaws there are, are now known. It is then to the viewer to make that call for themselves what is beauty and worthy of possession. What may be unwanted by one may be invaluable to another.

Perspective too should be considered. Viewed at one angle rather than another, what is seen could easily be unrecognizable from the next or so unique as to be surprising that it was not previously observed. It is then duty of the observer not the observed to fully explore orientation and position before fully casting judgment. Could one place cast shadow over a flaw that when brought to the light of day, rend it undesirable? Can that flaw be overlooked? Is there a way to repair it or does the flaw add or embellish character?

We admire roses for their sweet fragrant flowers, soft velvet petals, and rich vibrant colors despite their thorns that can prick us, draw blood and inflict pain. It is therefore the requirement of the gardener to learn how to handle the rose, to protect themselves, to respect the rose from a distance or to risk injury for rewards sake.

A dilapidated building with a structure intact can prove a valuable reward to those who through their effort rebuild to its former grandeur. Unforeseen problems however can slowly wear at those who would otherwise seek to repair that which is already itself worn down. Thus requiring a second choice: continue the work at hand and adjust to accommodate the new problems, the hope begin that the total of the repairs will be completed and the finished structure will provide haven for the weary, or focus efforts inward replenishing the worn, salving wounds prepared to begin work anew when better days come. The risk involved and the dilemma presented is a judgment of how much work the new problems present as opposed to the available resources to complete the task at hand, this met with a third judgment as to how many more ‘unforeseen’ problems still exist, once naively unexpected and now cautiously anticipated, the result of which would further diminish an already compromised pool of resources, prolong the completion and exacerbate the exhaustion of the weary. As this cycle progresses an additional judgment enters into the process to either abandon the project at hand, accepting defeat for having too long neglected the original façade allowing too many exposed flaws and having entered into the endeavor with insufficient ability or resources to ever acceptably complete the repairs or to persevere and continue, despite insurmountable odds, knowing full well that the path chosen may well be your end.

Then ask yourself am I the one repairing or the one being repaired?

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty

Trauma

Some wounds run so deep that the healing of them hurt almost as much as the original injury; and some wounds run so deep...


they never heal.

Memories

"Perhaps everybody has a garden of Eden, I don't know; but they have scarcely seen their garden before they see the flaming sword. Then, perhaps, life only offers the choice of remembering the garden or forgetting it. Either, or: it takes strength to remember, it takes another kind of strength to forget, it takes a hero to do both. People who remember court madness through pain, the pain of the perpetually recurring death of their innocence; people who forget court another kind of madness, the madness of the denial of pain and the hatred of innocence; and the world is mostly divided between madmen who remember and madmen who forget. Heroes are rare." Giovanni's Room - James Baldwin

The Grads

Love Conquers

I attended the alternate graduation in Howell yesterday. It was almost surreal. Never in my childhood would I have imagined that place to have been as welcoming and positive. Obviously there remains a great deal of the past in it’s current form but the currents of change run swift and strong and even the hardest rock will not win in the end. I was brought to tears a few times as eloquent speeches and honors were bestowed upon the three graduates who chose to stand up to hate.

I am amazed at the coverage that it has received. Obviously the local and regional press were in attendance but the coverage expanded past this to include many larger national papers and even an interview of one of the group on BBC.

Kate and I have discussed writing an article for BTL as well. It would be apropos for to alumni from there who are now out and active members of the LGBT community to do so, we thought.

All in all it think it is a good sign and an indication that though things are not always going our way the direction of change is ultimately in our favor. The future seems better every day.

Radio 1 to Radio 2

G'd Morning Ya'll

I'm taking a quick break from Post-Election Campaign Finance Statements to drop a quick update.

Last Weekend's Motor City Pride was quite successful although the heat was a bit of a challenge. Actually as memory serves last year we had treats of rain and oppressive heat then too. All in all it was a good time. I could have done without a certain co-chair but then I don't think I was the only one. Like most other volunteered activities I'll need some time before I commit to next year.

Yeah I know it isn't much but the statements are overdue and the fines are steep so back to work!

Angels & Demons

A really interesting book that in some ways seems to balance the Da Vinci Code in its support of conspiracy theory's and the historical Catholic Church. It seems to be very pro-religious in it's arguments and not overly condemning of the 'supposed' actions of the Church.

What I find to be incredibly interesting is the fact/fiction mixing that occurs in both this book and The Da Vinci Code. Keeping in mind that both books are identified as fiction it is surprising the number of books published to attach and dissect the flaws contained within. It's fiction it is allowed to be divergent from fact, in fact it is required to be so. This strikes me as "Me thinks the gentlemen doth protest too much." Which of course only make it more believable not less, but oops it's fiction...

June 11th Support Howell High School Seniors Who Opposed Hate

This was forwarded to me so I thought I would send it on the best way I know how.

From: Joe Summers

Subject: Urgent: June 11th Support Howell High School Seniors Who Opposed Hate

(Please forward to any you think might be interested in supporting this.)

Recently three seniors from Howell High School, Derrick Weber, Shayna Kamilar and Vinnie Mascola, were suspended for the rest of the year -- including participation in any senior activities: graduation, awards ceremonies, concerts etc.-- for protesting anti-gay graffiti. I hope we can do all we can to show our appreciation for them and to protest their suspensions.

My understanding of the story is as follows. There is a large rock in front of Howell High School on which students paint messages. A friend of theirs, who is openly gay, was the star of the school play "Pippin." Over a painting advertising the play someone spray painted "God hates fags." Seeing this Derrick, Shayna, Vinnie, and another student in turn spray painted the word "love" over this message. In an action similar to what students did two years ago, when a Howell senior committed suicide, they then went on to spray paint the world "love" on the sidewalks and driveway. The school administration suspended them for ten days while they reviewed their actions. Two to three hundred students protested this action in a peaceful sit-in. Shortly afterwards the administration suspended Derrick, Shayna, and Vinnie for the remainder of the year.

In their defense the students point out that no one at the time, or later, ever said the graffiti action of two years ago had been wrong. They also point to numerous instances where the administration has overlooked hateful speech and conduct that they have brought to their attention in the past. These also violated the student code, yet nothing was done about them.

The administration claims "there are two sides to every story." The only other side to the story that emerged during the students' hearings was that the administration recognized that they were model students (one of them was recently honored as the senior of the year) who were trying to uphold the value of respect for the dignity of all that the student code is meant to protect. . But, the administration insists, "rules are rules" and the students must bear the consequences of breaking them.

It would be reasonable to expect the students should be responsible to pay for any costs connected with cleaning up the graffiti. But in addition to this, the administration instead chose to apply the harsh penalties developed to respond to the very disruptive actions of graduating seniors who in the past thought they could get away with anything. That bears no resemblance to this situation. Though many many parents and students have spoken to both the school board and the superintendent to suggest that the unusual circumstances warrant some kind of intervention--their appeals have fallen on deaf ears. Thus Derrick, Shayna, and Vinnie are being deprived of their ability to experience the culmination of all their years of hard work participation in choir/musical concerts, award ceremonies, graduation etc.) because they tried to stand up for their friend and boldly and imaginatively to confront hate in their culture. The injustice of this has tainted the whole feel of graduation for their friends and families who have supported them through these many years.

There will be an alternative graduation celebration for Derrick, Shayna, and Vinnie on Saturday June 11th. Those who want to support them and celebrate their achievements are invited to attend. The hope is that this celebration can in some measure make up for what has been taken from them. The students and their families have requested that this be an occasion of celebration and affirmation of the kind that the students would have enjoyed had they been allowed to participate in graduation.

After weeks of trying to get their youth back in school, the families are somewhat overwhelmed trying to plan this celebration so I agreed to do what I could to help facilitate it. If you know speakers or musicians that you think would contribute to the program please let me know and I will check with the students and their families to see whether they think it would fit in with the program. If you have resolutions of support, or letters, for Derrick, Shayna, and Vinnie they can be sent to Derrick's mom, Colleen Chrzanowsiki, 2290 Hickory Circle Dr., Howell MI 48855. Similarly, if you would like to contribute funds to go either towards the costs of the celebration, or towards the legal expenses the families are incurring- checks can be made out to Colleen. Lastly, if there are any who wish to donate towards some kind of scholarships for these three, all of whom will be attending college in the fall, please let me know. As this celebration will be a week from today it would be helpful to hear from you as soon as possible.

Below you will see the public announcement the families recently sent out.

Joe Summers

Vicar, The Episcopal Church of the Incarnation

Alternative Graduation Celebration for Suspended Students: The parents of Howell High School seniors Derrick Weber, Shayna Kamilar and Vinnie Mascola are proud to be holding a Graduation Ceremony to celebrate the achievements of their sons and daughter. The ceremony will be held on Saturday June 11th at 6:00 pm at Page Athletic Field in Howell City Park, 415 N. Barnard Street.

We are grateful for the support expressed by members of the community here in Livingston County as well as others in greater southeast MI. We welcome those who wish to join in our celebration. We have scheduled our ceremony specifically to avoid any conflict with the commencement activity at Howell High School so that those wishing to join us may do so without having to choose between the two. We strongly encourage Howell High Seniors to walk with their class as OUR students wish they could.

We also request that guests who join us please understand our desire to celebrate our students Graduations with our friends and family without protests or emonstrations. We recognize some of the divided opinions in the community about the issues that lead us to hold this event; however we respectfully ask that those strong opinions be set aside for this occasion so that our students and their families may build the same memories that accompany this once-in-a-lifetime milestone for every graduate.

I hope to see you there.

D

The Mirror Project

I just received confirmation of my second posting on The Mirror Project. This one was a complete accident. It probably could have been multiple submissions the way it came out.

Take a look at my first submission from back in March.