Just a simple dinner

I am freaking out. Not outwardly, which is good, nevertheless I am barely holding it together right now.

I am supposed to be meeting A* for dinner tonight. It will be the first time since our split that we have spent any appreciable amount of time together and only the third time I have seen him. The intent of the dinner is to talk. About what in specific I do not know. I am unsure if he is merely placating me because he knows that I miss him or if his intent is genuine. Even then I do not know what he wants to talk about or what his aims are. Will he confess his faults and proclaim his desire for reconciliation or will it be to simply reach final closure.

Reading through some of our communications toward the end we both professed our love for the other and asked the other for patience in cooping with the present turbulence. Was it too much? Did we both loose hope in the other? If we had held on would things have made a turn for the better?

What am I to do? Should I make plain my desire to forgive and try again? I know that I too need forgiveness and hope that it can be had. Do I want to be with him again? Will I be able to forget? Can I trust? I know in my heart I can. I tend to give forgiveness and trust easily, I think because I want it in return. I know also that I tend to live my life as an open book so I have little to hide, and therefore little reason – at least in my minds eye – to not be trusted. I know that it can sometime burn me that I allow others in so easily, the hope is that the benefits far out weight the risks.

Will we resolve things for the better or worse tonight? What is better or worse? When will I know?

Know that you’re loved,

D

“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all of those things and still be calm in your heart.” Unknown