He loves me...

…He loves me not…

OK let's start over...

There were some other posts here and others that could have been published but never were. And now never will be. It's better that way. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve, that is just who I am, but I have to guard myself sometimes when I can. Which is why you will not get to see the past. Like I said, it’s better that way.

So I find myself back at the beginning again. Or rather a fork in the road on a continuing journey. Only I hadn’t planned on there being one here at this present moment. The good thing is I know I can change my course and again have many options in front of me, with many more forks to come for sure. Only this time I remember they are out there. Maybe I will chart my own path. Venture off and do things just for me. It’s been a while since I’ve been totally random and unpredictable. Oh the options. No need for a rearview mirror on this trip.

That’s not to say there isn’t hurt. That is there to be certain. Like they say though, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

i beg you... have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer...

rainer maria rilke