Why do I beat myself up so much? I know that I am human; I know that I make mistakes. I also know that no matter what I say or do there are times when that simply will not or cannot be enough. I am a good person. I am a loyal friend. I know my heart and do trust it, even if it means that from time to time I will be hurt. I strive to be better and try to the best of my ability to pick myself up and dust myself off when I fail. The hardest part of life is accepting those things you have absolutely NO control over. I wish at times I could just be happy, focus on the good, forgive my own mistakes and get on with things. And move on we shall.


So the White Party it is. It ought to be a great time. I love South Beach and have always enjoyed myself when down that way. I don't know what it is that gives me the ability to approach boys out 'there' that I cannot or rather dare not approach here. Maybe it is the knowledge that a relationship - which is what I ultimately want - is most likely not possible with those boys and therefore I don't stand to loose anything by approaching them. I know, I know, nothing ventured nothing gained, right?!? Well it still doesn't work for me.

I have met some really wonderful guys this summer, and I have been pushing myself to do that more. In time.

I suppose this means I need to get my butt back into the gym. I've been going on a very infrequent basis. This simply will not do. Let go!